Fashion Industry People, Please Stand Up

This little fashion creation messes with my mind and I just have to ask, has anyone else noticed how hard they (the fashion people) make it to get in and out of a pair of trousers? Trousers being the nice, fancy, go-to-work-pants, not jeans, not leggings or sweat pants. The kind that are just a tiny bit long, the kind you might wear with heels and have sharp crisp folds running down the from of the leg. I can’t get a good enough explanation as to why there seems to be a ridiculous number of buttons, snaps, and zippers and of course a belt to fuss with just to get a pair of pants and off. Is it some kind of cruel joke the designers are playing on women? Are they all sitting around snickering as they envision some poor women jumping around in a bathroom stall, with her legs crossed in that unmistakable urgency, while desperately fumbling around with all those fasteners so that she can finally go and not pee in her pants?

On one pair of pants I have there are two hooks on the inside, one snap on the flap that holds two buttons on the outside and a zipper and don’t forget the belt. Or two hooks, one snap, two buttons, one zipper and a belt. So let’s just refer to this as 2h1s 2b1zab. This could make a good password by the way. But for the sake of readability let’s make it: hsbzb. Confused yet?

Moving on, what is it with all the hsbzb? Does it add anything to the design of the garment or does it really help to hold things together or the pants up? Do the fashion people have to answer to the hsbzb guild (or whatever they’re called, if there is one) that so many hsbzb’s have to be purchased and used up in a given amount of time? Are there a requisite number of hsbzb’s that have to be used per yard of material, maybe it’s per square inch? Did they have a surplus of hsbzb’s from the 60’s when everything was tented or draped on like moo-moo’s and kaftans? So the hook and eye people go around to all the designers and tell them if they want protection they have to buy 12 cases of fasteners for six months worth of protection and Boom! Over hsbzb-ed clothing!

Or maybe the Catholic church is at the bottom of this and they whole thing is designed to be a kind of chastity belt,hook,snap,pin,tie etc… Perhaps it is equal to the idea that taking two aspirin can prevent pregnancy. Simply hold the two aspirin between the knees and don’t let go. In this case, by the time you get all those things unbuttoned, unsnapped and unzipped, the guy is bored and off to the next pair of available pants to negotiate, either that or he’s dead asleep. Voila, no unwanted pregnancy. I never thought of the fashion industry as one to practice safe sex but who knows, could this be evidence? Wait, better idea, this is a form of teasing! Right, right? Like this: Wait for it honey, wait for it…damn the zipper is caught. Well…it was going to be a sexy tease but with all those hsbzb’s, there had to be a wardrobe malfunction.

Upsa struggles with her skinny jeans

Upsa struggles with her skinny jeans

Really people, is there an answer here I can work with because otherwise I think I will go with dresses from now on. Except for one thing, those little itty bitty hook and eyes at the top of the zipper in the back of the dress where you can’t possibly see it, reach it or even tell the difference whether it helps the dress in any way when clasped. The only option to getting those little suckers hooked is to lash at that tiny little eye, that never sticks out far enough, with the hook, a couple thousand times, in a kind of frantic slashing motion, in the off chance that you might actually make a connection. Really Fashion Industry people, really?

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