The Big Reveal, over and over.

True story and sorry no pictures for the pervs out there!

What I Wore:

1. Dark blue, baggy, linen, button down tent dress,
2. Pair of dark blue Capri leggings (meant to be taken off as the day got warmer),
3. Pair of orange (maybe coral) espadrilles,
4. Cross-body pocketbook (is that what it’s called?), and
5. Big tote bag full of stuff to do (but never seem to get to) while waiting for the car to be tuned up.

How Many Events:

• Three with one repeat

Where Disaster Struck:

• Car dealership and several techie stores my husband had to go into and finally Costco

When:

• Same day

What Happened?

1. Removed leggings, then walked through a room full of car service clients with dress tucked into underpants.
2. Noticed roping around right side of espadrilles loose and flapping around. No glue, stapler, Band-Aids or even nail polish in pocketbook to remedy situation.
3. Went to front desk to ask for help.
4. Random lady runs up behind me to tell me about the dress stuck in underpants. Embarrassed, straightened dress, glad to have worn black underwear with dark blue dress. All while holding broken shoe up to “information lady.” Who held back laughter while showing an “aren’t you having a shitty day” expression on her face.
5. Walked off to get water, passed all the waiting customers again. Looked down to see my dress unbuttoned to waist.
6. Wanted sign around neck that said “No, I’m Not Drunk. Gawk elsewhere! and  By the way, I Can Hear You Snickering!”
7. Got home, changed shoes. Went with Husband to three techie stores before noticing dress had unbuttoned again. Who knows how many stores ago that happened! If only I had red lipstick to smear all over my face like icing on the proverbial cake.

Lessons Learned:

1. Always wear black underwear.
2. Never go to car dealers and walk in front of bored customers with nothing to do but watch people come and go out of the bathroom.
3. No more going out with Husband who doesn’t notice you have an open dress, even several hours and many stores later.
4. Always carry a sign that can be worn around neck explaining reasons for inadequacies.
5. Always carry a stapler.
6. Hire a personal handler.
7. Get a service dog that can sniff out wardrobe malfunctions before they happen!
8. If things really look bleak, pull out the red lipstick and don’t use a mirror.